What I outline here isn’t a quick win or a hack, and it isn’t going to help me sort out how to get someone to do what I want or think like me, which would be the ultimate hack! It would also rob this world and myself of the full human experience we are meant to have, so instead, what I have here is what I strive to do when I feel someone is challenging.
I take steps to turn off my automatic monkey-brain and reengage as the human I truly want to show up and be. Once I’m able to think in a bigger way and disrupt the blame-&-shame game, I can accept myself as I am and them as they are, because every human is worthy all the time. Sure, things would be easier for me if they would stick to my rules, but everyone gets to choose for themselves. Often, when I put my mind to it I can see how they make sense, even, and ultimately I do want to understand other people more. I do not need to agree, and I do not need to think it is good. I do need to focus back on the what I want to happen that I can control and influence, and get working on that.
It’s up to me to figure out my own expectations and be clear about them, and make up my own mind up how I’m going to feel about them and treat them, regardless of what they do.
This isn’t easy, and I don’t always invoke it. But I’ve tried making someone the target of my troubles, and I also have plenty of experience avoiding or ignoring folks. Those don’t tend to work out any better. At least with this style, I’m giving myself a chance to grow and help more.